Looking for the most romantic way to propose ? How about the statement a toi et moi ring brings ? These are considered the ultimate symbol of two people working together to sustain and nurture their love, despite their differences. There are a few people wearing toi et moi rings, and some of them are celebs, so you can get some of your ring design inspiration from them!
First though let’s discuss what toi et moi rings are, and what you should definitely keep in mind when designing them or looking for the perfect ring.
What are toi et moi rings ?
Toi et moi rings are a style of rings featuring two gemstones of any kind, any shape, any cut, often very different gemstones. The focus is on how the two gems in the ring interact with each other. The style is much like wearing two very different but beautiful solitaire rings stacked, but the gems are on the same ring shank.
These rings can be very simple or very complex, depending on how you want to design yours. Some of the most famous examples of toi et moi rings are:
- Meghan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly, pear diamond and emerald ring
- Napoleon Bonaparte and empress Josephine, diamond and sapphire pears
- Emily Ratajkowski and Sebastian Bear-McClard, princess and pear diamonds
- Kylie Jenner & Stormi, pear and radiant diamonds
- Ariana Grande & Dalton Gomez, oval diamond and white pearl
- Jackie Kennedy and JFK, emerald cut diamond and emerald
These rings are perfect examples of how creative you can get with toi et moi rings, while also keeping the main theme of the style: the two stones, representing the couple, coming together.
What is the meaning behind toi et moi rings ?
Toi et moi rings symbolize the perfect union of the couple, the two working together and cooperating in their relationship. The ring is a physical representation of how two very different people can work together and nurture a loving relationship.
The rings feature two different gemstones, whether it’s the type of gem or the cut of the gem. For example a pear diamond and a pear ruby, or a marquise diamond and a round diamond, or an emerald cut sapphire and an emerald cut tourmaline, and so on. This also makes it much easier if one of you loves a certain shape or gemstone, and the other loves another. You can have both !
What stones can you use in a toi et mio ring ?
Any gemstone or diamond, any shape at all can be used in a toi et moi ring. These rings are very versatile and you can do anything you want with them. Some very popular options are birthstones, or each person’s favorite gemstone, or if using the same gemstone each person’s favorite shape.
For example Meghan Fox and Machine Gun Kelly used emerald and diamond because they are born in April and May, and diamond and emerald are their respective birthstones. Ariana Grande’s engagement ring features a skinny oval diamond, and a white pearl that used to belong to her nana, and thus has sentimental value.
Toi et moi open ring, with pear and radiant cut moissanite, set in 9/14/18k gold. See it on Amazon.
In short, you can use whichever gemstone you feel is important to you, for whatever reason. As long as it means something for you and your life as a couple, then it works just fine. However there is a method to the madness, so here are a few key things to have in mind when designing your toi et moi ring.
Always have your gemstones or diamonds at an angle
The best looking toi et moi rings have at least one of the gems at an angle. You can always sit them perfectly straight when side by side, but tilting just one of them adds more depth of character to the ring.
Again, Meghan Fox’s ring features two elongated pears, both tilted and set at an angle so they form a misshapen heart. Emily Ratajkowski has both the princess and the pear at an angle, with the pear featuring a more severe tilt.
Say for example you want to use a marquise and a round brilliant diamond. You could have the marquise’s lower point going a bit lower than the round, with the width of the marquise getting very close to the round’s girdle. Or, perhaps a trillion cut diamond and an emerald cut emerald. One of the trillion’s sides could come very close to the length of the emerald, with their points nearly touching.
Make sure the stones are similar in size
All of these design ideas only work if the proportions are right, which means the gems should be similar in size so the ring doesn’t appear lop-sided. So for example an 8×3.8 mm oval would go well with a 7×5 pear, but would look not so great if the pear were much smaller, say a 3×1.8.
If your stones are indeed very different in size, you have a few options. The first is to play around with the arrangement and placement until you find something you like. They don’t necessarily have to be side by side, they could form a diagonal on the ring, they could be one on the and one at the bottom, or the smaller one could have a larger setting, such as an embellished bezel.
Bypass, prong, and open shank settings work best for toi et moi
Creative decisions are up to you when designing the ring, however there are some styles or settings that work particularly well for a toi et moi ring.
Bypass toi et moi rings make the stones look like they’re circling each other, much like a Yin-Yang symbol. This is perhaps one of the most symbolic and romantic versions of a toi et moi, and leaves you plenty of room to add extra gems along the shank, or some nice detailing on the metal. Jackie Kennedy’s engagement ring is a great example of this style.
Sapphire and diamond bypass ring, set in 14k gold. See it on Amazon.
Prong set toi et moi are the simplest and most elegant version. Each stone is held in place with plain prongs, just like a solitaire would be. Here the focus is on the two stones, and how they’re aligned with each other. Emily Ratajkowski and Ariana Grande’s rings are great examples of this style.
Open shank toi et moi have a bit of a gap between the gems, so the gems are never actually touching. This makes for a very modern, negative-space kind of look, and if resizing is ever necessary it is very easy to do with this kind of setting. Kylie Jenner and Stormi Webster are rocking matching mommy and me toi et moi rings, exactly in this style.
Protect the softer gem with a bezel or half bezel if pairing with a diamond
Whether the bezel is on the diamond or on the softer gem, it doesn’t matter very much, as long as there is a small buffer between the hard diamond and anything else on the ring. Perhaps a bezel is not a setting you’d enjoy very much. In this case, adding an extra prong or two where the diamond meets the other gem will keep a nice buffer zone.
We say this in the even that your ring ever get knocked against something and the settings for the gems bend, the diamond might known into the softer gemstone. Repairing the metal on the ring is much easier than dealing with a chipped or cracked gemstone.
Toi et moi engagement rings need a custom wedding band
We’re not saying this to discourage you from getting this sort of ring, we’re letting you know the wedding band won’t fit snugly against most versions of toi et moi rings. They can’t. Wedding bands are usually straight across, while most toi et moi are at an angle, or have an odd shape.
You’d need a curved wedding band, or one that is curved in one specific place, depending on the shape and design of the toi et moi ring. So your wedding band would need a special shape, which is normally not an issue. A goldsmith can easily make the band to match the engagement ring.
And if your toi et moi curves inwards right in the middle, then you can easily find chevron wedding bands.
I’m the main author for shinyfacts.com. I started this site after we did tons of research before our wedding and noticed that there is information about rings, jewelry, and so on that is really hard to find on the internet.